I woke up today with pancakes on my brain. Perhaps because Nat had posted two pancake recipes in a row, and I had made a mixture of spelt flour, baking powder and sugar last week, ready for add-ins and frying.
Pancake recipe:
1 cup spelt flour (or any flour, but I love the nuttiness of spelt)
2 tsp baking powder (I might experiment with a little more next time)
2 tbsp sugar
zest of one lemon
zest of a quarter of an orange
mixed together
juice of half an orange
juice of half a lemon
2 tbsp chia seeds + 6 tbsp water
1 cup almond milk
added in
Fried in almond oil.
Eaten with chocolate sauce, lemon juice, and fresh fruit - oddly, despite never being a jaffa cake sort of person, the combination of chocolate and orange with this slight nuttiness of the pancake something made sense.
I had two good lectures, JustLunch, and then walked back to college with Lizzy, talking about doing solo things with confidence and mental illness and medication.
As I was locking up my bicycle the lines 'You are ugly and you are fat' fell like damning hailstones in my mind. I don't know where inside of me they came from but they sort of punched me in the belly as and left me feeling spread out and sad. And I feel embarrassed admitting thoughts like that because I try hard to love myself, and stay positive, and champion self -acceptance but there are days where I don't feel it. Important honesty moment. Also nasty thought which I am working on reasoning and praying away. If you would pray with me.
Then there were moments of thought and procrastination before a crescendo of essay writing - first one in, feeling of exhaustion and delirium which meant a cup of lemon and ginger tea with Alex in the kitchen, listening to Dreams by Fleetwood Mac and then deciding to go for a spontaneous walk down the hill and back again.
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